when hope becomes tiring?

A quote pops into mind, i feel obliged to share:

"It's not the despair... I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand." John Cleese's outburst in '80s movie 'Clockwise' probably resonates one of the main challenges to dreams. Dream is hinged on hope. I think that makes the last blog complete.

sleep, sweet sleep: lies, lies, lies

After so much calls from people who care, i have been able to get around my sleeping problem. I tried everything possible. I even tried drinking white wine(mine that thing was bitter o), but it kind of gave a different feeling, so i might be encouraged to make it a habit.( na wa ooo, ow person deyyy grow). I have been advised to consider red wine as well( i will gist you how that went). By the way i guzzled a whole cup of that white wine, slowly but surely.

Jayce, a new friend on my blog, made a statement i have been deliberating on for the better part of the last two weeks. She noted i should not be afraid to dream oooo. Thinking about the word dream, i couldn't help but think of one of the many few men on the earth, Tommy Barnet. He was the famous man who went all out to build the dream centre in California. He made a statement that corresponds to my belief, all along. He noted that the most important thing in the life cycle of a dream is it being kept alive by its dreamer. I concluded that every dream has an intrinsic ability to fulfil itself. The the most important obligation you owe to your dream therefore is to keep it alive. Bearing this in mind, i could not help but reminisce on my desire to just have a set of corporate partners that will understand what it takes to be truly free, by freely yoking themselves with strong value driven responsibilities.

Still on dreams, another word popped in"Fear". We all have fears, unfortunately very few of us are actually brave enough to own up to them while some people just chose to dwell in the reality of that fear. Our fears range from the far extreme, yet obvious fear of unaccomplished dreams to the fear of poverty or insignificance. It is unbelievable what people's fears are. I know someone who is so afraid to live true to her genetic coding, she prays, fast, confesses every other day not to be like her mother. Her mother was wonderful, but she could be better if she wouldn't just do some things. Some peoples fear could be the possibility of being ordinary(Now that one is a funny one and a little far in between: who wants to be exceptional again this days, people just want to be comfortable). Anyways it is almost impossible to separate peoples fears from their dreams.

The genesis of peoples feras as well makes for an inrteresting reading. These ranges from genetic makeup to cultural upbringing. Some peoples fears even stems from their first relationships, especially those 1983-1987 girls (please pardon me girls). How many times have i heard those girls say things like i don't like men( of course you should be liking boys not men yet). Some people's fears even stems from their first marriage, the sense of insignificance instilled in them by that man or woman is far potent than any ambition, or fantasies they could lay hold on as dreams. But any which way this fear has come to be a permanent part of our being, it is. The earlier we recognise its presence and face it, the better for us as individuals and the world at large.

I wouldn't want to stop without talking about lies, they are those things we conjure up just before we sign off for the day, hoping that by sunrise, they will come true. We look around, playing about the events of the days, re-living the good ones and editing the bad ones, hoping the producer will release the edited one. Unfortunately, the released has been released already, the only choice you have is to do the next series and do it right. We will all want some parts of our lifes edited, we will hope we spoke to jane instead of joan. We will really hope we just went out and never got married. We would hope above every other thing that we married number four instead of number 6. We will hope we took second avenue, instead of third avenue: we just might still have her around. We would hope we insisted she did not go for the party. We would hope......hope......hope...... After a long time, we will realise they are all lies we tell ourselves just to ease the tension of the moment.

Lies, lies, lies they will always come telling us our dreams are just a figment of our imagination. Not bad, if only that imagination becomes a reality.

So i discovered that they are all lies not worthy enough of my sleep. What has been has been, i will make the most of what could be, so it can be. I will do my best and leave the rest. did i hear someone singing that nursey school rhyme?

note please: Abie, Kemi Lawal, don't just be coming to my blog oooo, leave comments ooooo lol

Its just dawning on me: I cannot sleep

It is 1.43 am guys and i cannot sleep. This should be about the strangest thing in life. I am one of those people who can sleep all day, but i have not been able to sleep in recent times.

I need to give you a premise though. I am one of them carefree people, not loose. ( i could be strict and unreasonable). All of a sudden the things i do not care about, things of seemingly insignifiance before are suddenly becoming significant. All of a sudden i am getting to a place where my fear of my dreams not actualising is dragging me down, not that the fears are new, they are just typical fears but it is dragging me down, down down now. I am one of those people classified as larger than life attitude( not that i am yo-yo, or anything ooo, sure i am not), who could go on and on rambling about my dreams at any opportunity given. You will never catch me unawares with any question. i will magnanimously offer an idea, a little thing to think about at the earliest opportunity given by anybody. Here i am now a little timid to share my dreams, feeling its bigger than me, and i just might be laughed at by unbelieving gentiles(as if true dreams are really trully understood by anybody except the dreamers themselves).

In the name of objectivity, the basic focal point of continued human existence has been thrown to sea. I find myself flowing in the same direction. I know my values, i still ardently adhere to them but i am not convinced they are necessary that much again, to a level of sharing it, or insisting on it, when i am dealing with people. Instead i objectively allow evil prevail in my surroundings. Now i cannot sleep.Can you imagine !!!!!

For hours i go without food, yet one of the major focal points of my destiny is becoming clearer to me. I thought i will be excited, but i am scared. I am losing faith in people, and the basic instinctive goodness in people. I tell you what, everybody is good, or has the potential to be good. What is wrong with me. Fear is crippling me, fear is denying me sleep.

I think i have been very fortunate in life, i ahve not really gone through any dramatic experience(you know those types we see in sandra bullock movies) just recently lost my grandparents. Never really lost anybody close. Now my story is sounding like those pastors that relate how God called them to Ministry. Anyways koko of the matter i can't sleep. Help me!!!

If you have hints to help, give. If not, pray for me. By the way it is 2pm now. I must be at my table for 9pm. i must lead by example, but i can't sleep. Am i going thru. a mid-life crisis(jero at 2?)

i am understanding faith

It is 7:17pm on a supposedly friday summer evening in the u.k. I had a very troublesome week, it has been one of those weeks that chronicles everything you ever stood for. It questions the reality behind your decisons in life. It takes you down memory lane, making you aware of patterns and paradigms that significantly defines who you really are. While we at it, what natahniel hawthorne says comes to mind "No man for a considerable period can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which one may be true".

Scary isn't it.

The week started with accusations of cheating. A young girl i have given all, just to serve has let all hell loose, she couldn't convince herself that the latest twist in our transaction has to be for her own good. "I have not been fairly treated" she screams to whoever cares to listen. I was in the middle, i couldn't go forward, i couldn't back out. There is a valid reason why i think we should stop what we are doing, but i can't give all the information. It could have bad consequences for some parties i know. Then the exchange of words took a familiar path, "What did you use my money for?". The other parties thought i was courting her too much, "she should make her own decisions". Alas she is a baby. I was hurt, angry, sad. Golden Question: what have i done wrong? Is their a part of me that has gotten this wrong? note: the girl was a good friend.

Another young man's case was just terminated for no just reason by a partner. The partner was nowhere to be found. He won't pick up my calls, but he would pick up other people's calls. The client is going ballistic. I was in the middle again. It wasn't my fault, but i feel responsible. What have i done wrong again?

"Adults are big children, who tend to lose their in-born trust in life and people over time. They end up as caricatures of intelligence but insensitive souls" i quipped albeit to myself. I have done many good things for these people but it is of no significance now, they agreed. Heads dropped, soul sad i ventured into the weekend hoping i will have a real cause to be happy.

So is their a pattern here,do i need a paradigm shift. Am i expecting too much from mankind. My small brain can only ponder.

The writing was on the wall

The writing was probably on the wall when Thierry Henry said he was an Arsenal player "for now" in a recent interview.And as the speculation about his future continued, neither he nor the club came out with a definitive statement confirming that next season Henry would be tying on his boots and pulling his socks up above his knees at the Emirates as usual.So it wasn't the biggest surprise when reports started to emerge from Spain on Friday evening that Barcelona were saying off the record that they had Henry's signature in the bag.But my heart still skipped and stopped, like Henry sidestepping an opponent, when the news first flashed up on my computer screen. Working as a sports journalist there's nothing better than a big breaking transfer story. Except when it happens to be the club you support selling their record goalscorer.And, oh, what goals they were. Who can forget his hat-tricks against Liverpool and Roma, his double at Inter, solo efforts from inside his own half against Spurs and Real Madrid, or his flick up and volley over Fabien Barthez against Man Utd? The list goes on.These are the moments when you remember just why you pay four figures for a season ticket.So where does this leave Arsenal? Well last season was probably a pretty good indication. And, in my view, the answer is not in as bad a position as some are bound to say. Even without Henry for half the season the team were more consistent than the previous year when the team struggled to come to terms with Patrick Vieira's departure.Yes, Arenal finished fourth for the second straight year, but, as well as Henry, Robin van Persie, William Gallas, Tomas Rosicky, Freddie Ljungberg, Abou Diaby and Emmanuel Eboue all missed large chunks of the season. True, Henry is the figurehead at Arsenal, and none of those players has achieved anything like the level of greatness that the Frenchman has in English football. But the truth is, for all his breathtaking ability, his goalscoring prowess and his inspiring charisma, Henry stopped being the main man at the Emirates some time before tonight.If there is one player who is irreplaceable at Arsenal right now, it's Cesc Fabregas rather than Henry.Cesc is the heartbeat of this Arsenal side, and when he finally follows Henry back to Spain, as he surely will one day, it may be beyond even Arsene Wenger to cover the gap.I would still love to see Henry finish his career at the Emirates, but he turns 30 this summer and there's no doubt that he's spent his finest years at Arsenal.For that I feel grateful and privileged to have witnessed such grace and skill for so long. And I wish him well for the future. The likes of Armand Traore, Theo Walcott, Johan Djourou, Denilson, Diaby and of course Cesc showed in Arsenal's Carling Cup run that the club has the best young talent in the country.If Wenger invests the money earned from the sale of Henry, plus whatever was already in his transfer chest, in a couple of experienced players to help guide these youngsters and to back up the ever improving Van Persie and Emmanuel Adebayor, I have every confidence the team will progress again next season. Henry said he was "devastated" about David Dein leaving, but it may be that his mind was already turned towards Spain by that stage and he was just preparing the ground for his move.A rare few players align themselves with board members in football, so it’s hard to think this is the start of an exodus, even though some will say the double departure leaves the club in some kind of crisis.One of my colleagues paraphrased Oscar Wilde by saying "to lose one Arsenal legend may be regarded as a misfortune... to lose two seems like carelessness".Some will now speculate that two will become three and that Wenger will be next. But anyone with any knowledge of Wenger’s modus operandi will understand that he’ll at least see out the year on his contract, despite the rumours of job offers from around Europe.As long as Wenger is calling the shots off the pitch and Cesc is pulling the strings on it, I’ll be confident that Arsenal have a bright future with or without the undoubted brilliance of Henry.

What more can i say. I just have to respect his decision. I just kept thinking to myself, i hope these old men in the board are not willing to die with this club. The only forward thinking board member has been pushed away by their old antics. Or how can you explain the likes of 71 YEAR OLD third generation man named Peter Hill-Wood, who still uses compound names these days anyway, being a chairman of an enterprising club like arsenal in the 21st century. Never talks to the press, just thinks his so called british gentlemanliness will augur well with progressive fans. I can imagine him waking up some few weeks ago, in an expensive suit made in saville row, a thick cigar and those annoying chinas containing black liquid in his hand . He will surely be consoling himself that the club still has a future, just beacuse it has history. He should just remember the likes of sheffield wednesday. I believe this is a ll a joke for him, his main aim is to continue the tradition of passing the chairmanship to his sons.

Great Arsenal fans, let us oust these guys and reinvent our board. If we lose wenger at this critical time, we are so doomed.

So what is blogging 1

Hi guys. Apparently my viewership has extended beyond the people that encouraged me to stay in tune with my digital virtual being(i can't even begin to imagine what that guy will be like, it will be everything i am not: crazy, risk taker, definitely more good looking, hmmm what else?, yeah more muscular(as if jero has any muscles). It was nice to hear comments from aloted(by the way aloted is like a virtual reality that is losing its second life to me. At first she was too strange to be true. I met her at my nysc camp, all looking cute and lonely!abi, broth, get small moves oo, so broth approach am!, she is aloted, and she finished from one school in burkina faso!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, whatttttttt, burkina kini. Anyways we hit it off real cool, followed her to her uncle's place one day and the uncle advised her to be careful for guys like me ooo, because fine girl get british passport, uncle no know say fine boy too get britico passport. Anyways we met again in london, and she was more real, just kidding, aloted thanks for the comment, please ooo, help i need mentoring in this blogging thingy) And bimbylad, it was so nice to see you pop in, apparently, u were laughing at me, don't worry. I was just rehearsing, anyways keep an eye on this page. Thank you anyway, looking forward to meeting you one day, if u are as down to earth as you said. So if u happen to pass this part of the atlantic, please hola at a brother.Lamide, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, ti mo ba gba e mu, if you dare lose interest lasan, i will so sort you out. Anyways thanks for gaining interest in the first instance. The art of blogging is the art of reading, writing, or editing a shared on-line journal. A journal on the other hand can be accurately interpreted with three depictions. It could be depicted as a :A daily written record of (usually personal) experiences and observations A periodical dedicated to a particular subject A ledger in which transactions have been recorded as they occurred.Now, that first one will almost be very difficult as i am a man of few words, and i hardly talk about myself, not to talk of my personal experiences but the observation one could be easy. It is quite easy to explain lessons from my life to other people. SO u can watch out for observation, but that poersonal nonsense, NO WAY!!!!. We would definitely dwell around the second area more. In the next couple of weeks, i will be launching three periodicals on relationship( don't ask me if i have experience oooooo), Principles and Investments. For the third one, we will be covering rather stimuliating documentaries or series like the apprentice, nip/tuck, girlfriends or greys anatomy, sure nothing superficial like antm(sorry oooo, tyra banks, if you are reading, i so wish) or bachelor.

So that is my idea of blogging and see u guys later..

This must be interesting

I have just started blogging and i have gotten two comments already, apparently u(now get used to that, if u are going to enjoy my blog) kind of expect that from them, because they are like family. But when they place a demand on you to deliver, you get scared a little bit.

Well lets start blogging, as i am new to this game unlike the okubotes and the toyosi's, i will like to do two things, explain from my own point of view, what blogging is, and also from research. Secondly, elucidate on my personality, that should hopefully culminate in me highlighting my interests. Now if my idea of blogging and the mere thought of who i could be disgusts you, take a hitch( hopefully to a good car).

Ok, thats about it. I will see you tommorrow. I will start with my idea of blogging, then who i am. So i don't bore you too early.